No where to go
I’m only turning back to this blog because I have no where else to go.
I think yes I might be irritating at times, but I do have my moments when I can make people feel special. This has led to abuse.
I feel like I’m being pulled by all my all four limbs. People want to love me, but all they really want is for me to love them. They get jealous of others.
Is my heart too big?
I have always attributed such problems to my lousy communication skills, then I realise that my “lousy” communication skills are really just a way for me to escape reality. People always love me the first time they know me. It’s my first impression that is the real me, and subsequent ones just me trying to avoid everyone so that the people closer to me do not rip me apart.
All this is so unhealthy and I really need help but there is no one I can turn to. Anyone I turn to becomes another charity outlet for me, and frankly, I cannot afford to give anymore.
Or maybe because I’m weak. I don’t know.
I’m writing this here so that I can feel comfortable when I sleep tonight, knowing that at least a spider will read this one day. I really don’t know what to do.
Why does my life have all these unnecessary worries. :(>
There is only so much I can give before I’m reminded that each of them only fill one page. Le sigh. Why. I’m sorry I’m ranting here but I can’t sleep. Everyone else is asleep around but I can’t sleep because I’ve never felt more alone in my life.>
So seriously, I have nowhere else but here.>
You know, it’s difficult having no religion. There’s no one to give me hope but myself. But I’m stingy you see.
So I appreciate it when others give me hope, even if they are people of religion. I might not have faith in the heavens and the skies, but I have faith in the kindness in people.
It’s so easy to win my heart, and those who have won it never wanted it.>
If I were a judge and if I had to pass a death sentence, I would look at the accused in the eye.>
Playing the game.>
Sometimes I think I don’t deserve what I have. I just want to throw away everything. I really have to learn how to be content with myself first really.
Ignorance is bliss they say. It makes me so angry really. My life can really be so perfect but there are small small quirks that makes life so difficult.
You guys out there think I’m spoilt, childish and attention seeking. I already have so much, why should I ask for more? No, no, no. You guys don’t understand. It’s all fake! My whole life is a lie.
The things I say I believe in, the things I say I know, the talents I brag I have. Nothing. I’m really quite empty.
I don’t know why I have to put this here. SIGH.>
Thanks really means go away, so bitch please.>